It’s natural, I believe, that humans grow up having contradicting ideas inside of them.
For example, I grew up having very positive experiences as a member of a very conservative religion. Personally, I flourished in every way I can think of: leadership opportunities; wealth, yes: it was my church associations that helped launch me; family environment: it lasts almost in tact to this very day; education: diplomas galore from the church’s university; marriage: fifty three years and going strong; lifelong friends; deep spiritual experiences; work ethic: my religion teaches that hard work brings forth the blessings of heaven- I love this principle, for as members we can be proud that from our small beginnings in upstate New York, we traveled to the barren deserts in the west and formed a new great basin civilization. All these things are worth our greatest allegiance and deepest love. They are worth giving the full measure of our lives.
On the other hand, certain policies within the church’s organization, to which I was expected to support, irritated me. These policies were directed at groups of people, namely, blacks, women, and gays. Heavy restrictions and personal trauma were and still are placed on them. My question through out the decades of my participation were: How could such a great religion create doctrines, policies, and teachings that contributed to so much pain and suffering?
Without realizing it, the gap between my personal successes within the religion and my private views on these social issues continued to grow. It came to a head re the treatment of LBGTQ folks over the past two decades. These policies contributed to teen suicide, and unnecessary fracturing of family units. It was cruel where a global religious movement of such high stature did not need to be. Inside I would say, “where is our common decency? More, importantly, where is MY common decency?”
On the surface my easiest path in resolving the conflict was to stay quiet about my frustrations. After all, there are always frustrations in life. Most resolve themselves over time. No sense irritating them in the present.
But, for some very strange reason, I chose not to remain quiet. Publicly, I took a position in opposition to the church’s position.
Why would I do such a thing?
It’s not so easily answered as you might expect. On second thought, no matter what path you choose, it’s not so easy. Life is not easy for anyone who takes life seriously.
So, my philosophy of life is: Make your decisions, take your positions, don’t make excuses, don’t always be explaining, and you’ll sleep well, or at least well enough.