2. Mystic of mystics
I grew up vulnerable inside. I’ve psychoanalyzed my behavior looking for a reason.
I can’t find one; on the other hand, I can find many.
I started having mystical experiences when I was 19.
I was dating a non-Mormon girl. I thought she would be excited when I told her I was planning on going on a Mormon mission for two years. She wasn’t and started dating other guys.
It threw me. How could I get back with her? I tried calling her on the phone, but I hung up when she answered.
Should I drive over to her home. Nope. I would have to engage her battle axe mother, who had grown to dislike me. She had an odd shape where one hip was higher than the other, which gave the impression that she was walking a bit sideways.
So, I conclude I’m out of options. I’m feeling vulnerable. What to do? What to do? On the spur of the moment I decide to pray. I didn’t have much faith in praying, because I didn’t do it that much.
But as I said, I was desperate.
I knelt down beside by bed, and said, “Help. I do not want to go unless I can get rid of this terrible anxiety.” Not quite those words exactly, but close enough.
After I finished, I decided to take a rare afternoon nap. I didn’t wake up until the next morning. I was surprised how happy I felt. I let the girl’s name float through my head. Nothing. I was healed.
Thus started my life as a minor league mystic.
I’m now 31. I’ve been married for nine years. (Shout out to my wife. She tells me, “whatever you say, don’t mention my name.”) We have three kids, and a modest little home.
I’m getting vulnerable again.
I’m ready to sell the home and get the hell out of the area, because I believe the priesthood leader of our church refuses to give me any leadership opportunities.
Holding a leadership position is very important in the Mormon church.
Just before I put our home on the market, one night I had this dream where I’m one of the guys who take this leader’s place. I woke up and felt the dream had actually taken place. But it hadn’t. Before or since I have never dreamt so vividly, I interpreted it as being meaningful . Because of this, I didn’t put the home up for sale.
Two years later, the church’s hierarchy decided to release the ecclesiastical leader and two of his associates. And in choosing the new ones, it included me. The ceremony took place just like the dream I had.
I was calm and peaceful inside, but when I was actually called in to fill out the leadership group, I was shocked to my core in disbelief how this could actually happen.
In my mind it was a home run. But, how did it happen . . to me? This only happens in fairy tales. I was stunned. To my way of thinking I had actually had a mystical experience that came true.
I started entertaining the idea that I was susceptible to mystical experiences. Not a lot I admit. Only two. And even if it was just a coincidence, I started believing in meaningful coincidences in the form of mystical experiences.
I’m now 37. I should be perfectly content with my life.
We fixed up our simple little home by adding an entryway, an extra bedroom (we now have five kidos), a family room, a garage, extended the kitchen, added a dining area, built a decorative brick wall and planter that ran the full length of the front of the house, and finished the driveway that now ran right up to the garage. Vibrant flowers and a small olive tree adorned our front yard.
Additionally, I completed my doctorate. I’ve advanced quickly in my profession as a church educator. I love being a priesthood leader over five Mormon congregations. I was filled with gratitude when I could be of service to someone in need. And there is always opportunities like that. Pretty soon the trappings of leadership position disappeared. Can I lift a burden off anyone? Service became its own reward.
I worked hard to be a good family man. We were by no means rich, but my wife was a shrewd manager of money. We took the children on fun vacations. We went to parks for picnics. We were beach goers. We visited every museum within driving distance.
I felt we were in fat city. I had everything I had ever wanted.
Then wouldn’t you know it, I go into another fricking squall.
All of the sudden I decide I’m going to quit my profession and go into another profession. What profession? I had absolutely no idea. Why? I don’t know why. All I knew was that I was not content. I’m moody, I don’t hear birds singing in the trees, not that we had that many birds in our neighborhood, because we didn’t have that many trees, plus we lived one block over from Pacific Coast Highway in Torrance, California.
So one morning I’m mowing our front yard with our push mower, then out of the blue came this voice outside of my head that started asking me questions about my life. I answered back (I think in my head, I hope not out loud). This voice then began to describe my future to me in vivid detail. After that, the voice fell silent.
At that moment, I’m leaning on the handle of the mower which is in an upright position. I looked around to see if anyone was looking at me. I had no idea how long I had been like this. Was it seconds? Minutes? Definitely not hours, the sun was in the same position.
A calm fell over me. At that very moment I knew things would change. I was once again happy. And within two years, I had resigned my position in the Church Education System. I had become a management consultant and had a daily radio commentary on one of the three or four most popular and powerful radio stations in Southern California. We started making as much in one month as a management consultant and radio commentator as I did in one year as a religion teacher.
The sensation I had going through this transition was like standing outside of myself observing myself going through these new experiences. To this day I feel a sense of spiritual awe when I think about it.
I concluded that when it came to my own private progress, I definitely was a mystic. A mystic of my own personal life.
Imagine if you will, this is the reason I’m not one to reject Joseph Smith as a great mystic. He set in motion the pattern to experience the mystical world in my own life.
Is there a way to rationally explain how this all happened to me? Yes, of course, there’s always a scientific and secular way to explain the metaphysical world, but let’s not get into that just yet.
Leave me to feel the wonder of those mystical experiences.