What I was supposed to do, and what I wanted to do turned out to be a balancing act.
I come from a culture where getting married is non-negotiable. I was expected to get married. My progress within the culture was dictated on whether or not I married. Almost all activities were created and organized around the objective of meeting possible marriage partners.
I conformed and ended up meeting my wife and getting married. I was pleased that I did what I was supposed to do. My marriage has worked out well. Superficial layers of expectations have worn away and partnership grows. I love my wife.
On the other hand, It wasn’t until I was thirty seven years old that I started doing things that I wanted to do. I left my profession and started my own business as a management consultant, a radio commentator, and a writer.
There was no expectation for me to do this. It wasn’t something I was supposed to do. It was solely what I wanted to do.
Because what I wanted to do worked out, It brought me profound joy. The greatest of my life.
What I am left with after fifty four years is a blending of “supposed to do” with “want to do”. In my mind it is two exquisitely fine cut gems placed on a perfectly tuned, light gold balancing surface. The gems are constantly moving but are never out of balance with one another. After a time I have lost my ability to discern which stone represents which value.