Cheri and I were married July 27, 1967.
In those 53 years, we’ve experienced fat times and thin.
For the first fifteen years, compared to our peers, we always seemed to be the only ones to have the least expensive apartment and home, and cheapest furniture from the thrift store.
(My wife is by nature a provident manager of funds. I surprised myself on how restrained I was when it came to consumer spending.)
I was a full time religion teacher with the Church Educational System of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The environment of the church during our early married years was exceptional. It was progressive and open, and made people such as myself feel comfortable. And, I was encouraged by those above me not to lose my “Southern California vibe”. (I didn’t even know I had one. But I became proud of it.)
We squeaked by, by saving as much as we thought we could. Meanwhile, our peer group continued to more quickly move up the material ladder than we did, or so I thought.
We bought our first home in 1972, one block off of Pacific Coast Highway in Torrance, California. It was 900 square feet, pale green with white trim. No plants in the front yard, and several big cactus plants in the back. No garage.
My wife thought we could do better, and we should have, but I prevailed, because the price was . . . “cheap.” From that time forward, I worked to make it up to her (and to myself).
I eventually started to become envious of my peers. I had not yet read the thoughts of Nietzsche on how valuable envy is in one’s life. Envy pushes you forward, he said. I agree.
When we moved into that home, we had two young daughters. Rori,4, and Amber, 2. Cheri was pregnant with our first boy, Roger Jr. Delightful children. They reminded me of my wife’s peaceful nature.
Humans are by no means perfect. But, my wife was just right for me.
We set about expanding the footprint of the home that finally settled at something larger than 1500 square feet. Design was changed, landscape was improved , detached garage was added. New rugs, appliances, etc.
I learned brick laying, hammer and nailing, cement preparation and pouring, flooring, roofing, etc. I got to the point where I was proud of that home.
It wasn’t without mistakes though. For example, I finished laying cement for our family room addition. I went in and took a shower. When I came out, water was pouring onto the new lay. It was on its way to being ruined, except for a buddy of mine who just happened to come over at that time to divert the water and stop the broken water pipe. Story of my life. My buddies. Then when I finished the roof, it started leaking. What to do? Rip that part of the roof off and start over. Who did it? Another buddy.
You’re probably thinking how did I get so many buds. I don’t know. What I think happened was when the word got out, that I was a complete novice on all things construction, what friends I did have, and maybe didn’t have, would find themselves coming over to see what a mess I would have make of things (which I frequently did), and found themselves jumping in to make things right.
During that time, Cheri gave birth to our last two children, Ryan and Erin. Beautiful children.
Perhaps, at no other time in my life was I less cognizant of the future and more focused on the very sharpest point of the present. Looking back, it is the only way to live: cleared eyed on the very present, present of life.
When I started dating Cheri, in the latter half of the 1960’s, the music was splendid. I returned home in 1966 from my Mormon mission to Northern Argentina. The music had changed. It was romantic and soft; it was sixties Rock, but had a folk flavor to it. That music was a perfect image I have always retained of my wife.
The Rolling Stones (Ruby Tuesday was on the radio when I was going to propose to Cheri), The Mamas and the Papas, (California Dreamin, Dedicated to the one I love), The Beach Boys (Pet Album), The Beatles (All you need is love), Buffalo Springfield, the Byrds, etc.
It was an authentic Southern California sound. No one realizes that not only did the Beatles influence these groups, but were influenced by them. And that the Beatles spent a lot of time in So Cal. One or two of them concurred with many others that Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys rivaled Mozart. That flavor was wrapped around our marital relationship in my mind. Cheri, my five cool little kids, the sweet tunes of the time, and the buddies. With our VW Hippie Van, we had the free beaches, free museums, and free green fields. I thought Cheri and I had very little back then, but we had everything. That was our little own love period that marked the beginning years of our marriage.
The past is sweet when you can look back on it with your heart pounding, your whole body filled with joy, and tears filling your eyes.