Let’s see how self aware I am when it comes to my own behavior, and how I assess it.
As a management consultant for close to thirty five years I learned some very valuable insights about myself.
For example, l eventually determined not to be a messenger for any CEO. To one CEO I said, “I’m not a messenger boy.”
I did deliver messages in my younger days, and found that I became a slave to the positive and negative desires of the CEO. That’s always a huge problem that otherwise very talented executives give into when working with leaders who demand absolute fealty. That’s what brought Donald Trump down. He demanded fealty over competency from those under him.
I got caught doing this to a client who paid me such high fees that I just did what he said no matter what I felt or thought. One time, he became exceedingly insecure about his position as CEO. He had me running all over the place trying to get information that would help him preserve his job. During this time he never once asked me what my advice would be. Worse, I never offered it. I was trapped by the money, so I just did what he asked. Under normal conditions I would have said to cut out 95% of his worry. After that challenging episode, I promised myself I would never put myself in that position again. I told myself, “Walk away from that situation no matter how much you are paid or how lofty the position is you might occupy.”
This can become potentially dangerous advice, because in many relationships, which include marriages, there’s always the personality who demands complete loyalty and obedience. If you are on the receiving end, you feel emasculated. My advice: start speaking up or exit the relationship. Potentially this could lead to a lot of ruptured relationships. I am aware of this. But, I hesitate to council otherwise. Personally, if this means walking away from a lot of money, I’d rather be poor than a slave. That’s just me. I think walking away could be considered my greatest strength, but also my biggest flaw.
On the flaw side, it’s also a big indicator that I don’t work well in groups where you have to cooperate to get along. It’s evidence that I am a solo player. That’s my biggest weakness. It’s my limitation. I’m not made to carry out the wishes of leaders above me. But, in a hierarchical structure, that’s all you do, as a subordinate yourself, to subordinates under you. You carry messages while never understanding the full intent of the message. So when asked a question you don’t know the answer to, you obsequiously have to admit you don’t know the answer and that you’ll have to find out and get back with a more full explanation. That’s when an organization becomes a message pit.
On the strength side, I resist being an errand boy. It doesn’t work. As a consultant, this is where I made my greatest strides as a professional. I made sure my contract was clear on what I was responsible for accomplishing. Almost always, there comes the moment when the CEO asks you to reinforce a directive. I was direct, “I don’t do that.” The CEO then would say, “That’s why I am paying you all this money.” My retort almost always was, “I’m not a messenger. If you want me to share my own ideas with the troops, I’ll gladly do that, otherwise, I’m not here to carry messages.” It poisoned me as a consultant when I refused to be a messenger boy, because invariably that’s what the CEO would demand from me. It was like he was forcing me to service him. He would pay me more and more. I would begin to feel like a highly paid prostitute. I got hooked on the money for carrying out an activity I hated to do. I would say to myself, “Walk away before he keeps asking you to do more. Walk away, or you’ll begin to hate not only the activity but the person who is asking you to do it.” Eventually, I started following that voice.
I would be asked more than once why I would walk away from good money for just merely carrying the CEO’s message to his people.
“That’s his job, not mine,” I would say.
Anyway, when you carry someone else’s message, it doesn’t work because it’s not your message. That’s the flaw of all organizations and relationships when there is a dominant personality at the head. You carry out orders that originate not from you. In doing so, no matter how sure you think you understand the message, you don’t. Unless it originates from you, you cannot perfectly reflect the intent of another person.
I made out ok as a management consultant. I rode into town, did my work and left. I asked for no more or less than what my contract stipulated. When asked my opinion, I gave it. And CEO’s came to understand that I was good at what I did, and that they should not expect me to carry out any side deals for them.
Did I leave a lot of money on the table? No. I made money doing what I did, and how I did it.