. . . we are a mystery to ourselves, don’t you think?
Why are we insecure in certain instances? Why do we feel uncomfortable with ourselves in unfamiliar circumstances?
About ten years ago, I decided to investigate those questions. I chose writing as the tool to probe the pattern of my own vulnerabilities.
Here are some insights:
The first discovery occurred when I was writing the narrative of my life, and it dawned on me that I was covering up as much as I was revealing about myself. If events in my life made me feel vulnerable, I would create a story that covered them up.
So, I chose to expose them by writing new narratives of my life. It was immediate. The moment they were written down I felt a sense of liberation.
(I have had heighten experiences in my life, not a whole lot, but enough to know how happy I feel when they come. This was one of those times. In this instance, I was the cause of my own happiness. I freed myself from the burden of my own repressions.)
Bizarre as it may sound, after a while I reverted back to the original narrative. I had no explanation for this, other than I was a creature of habit.
Once again, I went back and consciously recreated the more truthful narrative, which led to yet another discovery. Not only did I write down the original repressions, but found new vulnerabilities.
This led me to ask: Is there nothing true about my original narrative? The answer? Probably not.
Moral of the story? Get real with yourself. Challenge the less than truthful narratives you’ve created to cover up, or at least reinterpret, the painful moments in your life. start writing down the truth.